February 18, 2010

My Sharona Finally Goes Straight

Filed under: MusicRichard Rushfield @ 1:19 am

The LA Times reports today on the heroic tale of Sharona Alperin, who fought her way up from up from iconic pop muse status, subject of the biggest hit of the new wave era to a moderately successful career in westside real estate.

In fact, iconic pop muse status turns out to be a big step up in a Westside Real Estate career.   A colleague reports:

“You need to have a niche and anything like that that will help people remember you is certainly an asset; she actually has that intro music on her website,” said Marc Giroux, a Realtor with Keller Williams Realty who has worked with Alperin.

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February 13, 2010

Hollywood’s War on Valentine’s Day

Filed under: Film — Tags: Richard Rushfield @ 2:09 am

Despite being filled with glamour and beauty, the real Hollywood is of course a cesspool of misery, staffed with neurotic borderline personalities overcompensating for parental disdain and/or abuse and unpopularity in junior high school. (I only write from personal experience.)

Happiness, joy and goodwill are not emotions that actually occur in Hollywood, but having developed sociopathic skills from an early age, most “creative types” have learned to mock the upper register on the emotional spectrum.  At least they have learned to put on plausible parodies of happiness that on the big and little screens pass as legitimate stylized versions of the authentic experience; evoking happiness rather than replicating it, so they say.

On closer inspection, the Hollywood “happy ending” rendition of happiness and emotional fulfillment does look rather like a grotesque parody of joy, rather than an actual attempt to manufacture it.  But, hey, there’s a sucker born every minute, so whose really keeping score.

Once a year however, on the day dedicated by all mankind to connubial bliss, Hollywood’s resentment bubbles over and they declare war on all mankind, hiding their disgust for human contentment behind thinly veiled attacks on the notion of romantic love.

This year with Valentine’s Day, the movie, Hollywood launched its most naked attack on the holiday yet, painting it in such disjointed, overwrought and unnatural colors that no one who sees the movie will likely ever so much as bestow a card upon a loved one again.  If as many people are lured into seeing the film as predicted, America can expect a dramatic fall off in the marriage and birth rates, ultimately hurting our long term stability and making the nation vulnerable to terrorists, or worse.

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February 11, 2010

Trailer Review: The Back-up Plan

Filed under: FilmLiana Maeby @ 9:41 pm

CBS Films’ “The Back-up Plan” recounts the story of Susan B. Anthony’s historic split with the American Equal Rights Association after the group voted in favor of an amendment that would grant suffrage to blacks but not women. Just kidding! It’s about a lady who’s super sad because she isn’t married with a bunch of babies.

This woman is played by Jennifer Lopez in a pair of very tall Christian Louboutin boots. As the three-minute saga fades up, our heroine-in-heels stands at a crossroads, ready to abandon her fruitless search for the perfect spawning mate and take matters into her own hands. (Matters = donated sperm; she gets artificially inseminated.) But what do you know, just as soon as Jenny does the dummy deed (like, mere moments after!), she ends up meeting that elusive and long-hidden Dream Man. The whole thing is very ironic, which is a word invented by Alanis Morissette to describe First World inconveniences. (more…)

February 7, 2010

Avatar Gets Beaten By a Girl

Filed under: Film — Tags: , , Richard Rushfield @ 3:10 pm

Well, old James Cameron isn’t quite so tough any more.  Avatar, as we all know is bigger than every movie in the history of the world.  Except for Dear John.

Yes, go ahead and tell us, it comes after six straight weeks of ubotanium mania.  But you know, when you’re a big hotshop king of the world like James Cameron and you just been punched in the face and left for dead by Amanda Seyfried, whining and telling us about all the fights you’ve won in the past doesn’t change the fact that you were just punched in the face and left for dead by Amanda Seyfried.

If I were Dear John, however, I’d be watching my back for someone to start telling the whole school lies about what she did that time she just went to coffee with him…for someone to start claiming he slipped on some ice…for someone to start claiming he’s always been supportive of women in film and that’s why he let her win.

But all that won’t change the fact that Avatar lost to Dear John.  And she didn’t even have to use 3D to do it.

February 6, 2010

Things To Do at the Superbowl When You’re Dead

Filed under: TV — Tags: Richard Rushfield @ 7:46 pm

Hollywood has no place for Sports.  Or at least the Hollywood I knew didn’t.  Comprised of physically disabled Jews (like myself), and self-absorbed performers, the relevance of staring at a TV screen watching a bunch of guys throw balls at each was never clear.

Growing up here I never knew anyone who watched, mentioned or thought about the Superbowl or any other sporting event.  The Dodgers only attracted a Hollywood crowd because of the quality of the hot dogs served at the stadium.

But somehow, like the rest of America, Hollywood has changed and somehow, all of a sudden, everyone feels the need to watch this debacle.  I mean, its not like the winner gets a recording contract or anything.

With the streets empty, here’s a few recommendations of things to do while the city fools itself into thinking that watching a bunch of lunkheads jump around on some grass is entertainment.

1. Rob your friends homes.  They are out.  Their neighbors are glued to their televisions.  You may not want to burglarize your friends, but if its a route you’ve been mulling over already, this is the day to make your move.

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