April 17, 2010

The Best of the Worst: Hard Ticket to Hawaii

Filed under: Uncategorized — Darren Herczeg @ 2:24 pm

Welcome to Part Four of Entertainment Inferno’s series dedicated to honoring the classics of horrendous cinema.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii, a film by the late, and for the purposes of this column, great Andy Sidaris, is special for so very many reasons. But before even delving into the particulars, I want to recount here the following post-coital dialogue between a square-jawed soap stud (Ronn Moss) and a buxom, blonde Playboy playmate (Donna Speir):

Playmate: (Smiling) How do you feel?

(Pause)

Soap Stud: (Looks her up and down) One man’s dream…is another man’s lunch.

(Pause)

Playmate: (Coyly) You son of a bitch.
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April 2, 2010

The Best of the Worst: Ninja III: The Domination

Filed under: Film — Darren Herczeg @ 5:34 pm

Welcome to Part Three of Entertainment Inferno’s series dedicated to honoring the classics of horrendous cinema.

The 80s was a really special decade for movies, and that’s in no small part due to the most timeless of genres: the ninja movie. Be it Enter the Ninja, Revenge of the Ninja, American Ninja, Ninja Wars, 8 Deaths of the Ninja, etc., these films never failed to deliver heaping doses of shuriken, katanas, and men inexplicably wearing eyeliner when donning the mysterious mask of the ninja.  And no other film best exemplifies the genre as Ninja III: The Domination.
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March 25, 2010

The Best of the Worst: The Legend of Billie Jean

Filed under: Film — Darren Herczeg @ 10:19 pm
Welcome to Part Two of Entertainment Inferno’s series dedicated to honoring the classics of horrendous cinem
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“You’re Billie Jean.”

Truer words were never spoken.

A legend was born in 1985: The Legend of Billie Jean. It’s a tale of teens overcoming their corrupt parents, a tale of family in the face of adversity, a tale of burgeoning womanhood and true heroism—a tale of cut-off, sleeveless wetsuit jackets and the parachute pants to match.

All Billie Jean (played by Supergirl herself, Helen Slater) wants is the repair money for her brother Binx’s (the inimitable Christian Slater, no relation to above) trashed Honda Motorbike.  But the sleazy Mr. Pyatt has other plans for the blonde beauty—plans that include…rape!

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March 13, 2010

The Best of the Worst: The Apple

Filed under: Film, TV — Tags: , — Darren Herczeg @ 2:22 pm

Welcome to Part One of Entertainment Inferno’s series dedicated to honoring the classics of horrendous cinema.

Nigel’s Masterpiece (Sorry Mary)

The Apple. Some of you may have heard of it, some of you not, but trust me: this is one of the worst movies ever made. It’s also one of the best. When this masterpiece opened, producers handed out free copies of the soundtrack LP to the audience. Well before the final reel, these same LPs would end up in a heap, tossed with righteous anger at a screen audacious enough to play what audiences at the time considered nothing short of a crime against humanity.

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