June 8, 2010

Ghost from the Past: The Hills Recap

Filed under: TV — Tags: — Christine Tarbet @ 1:17 am

We open on Kristin’s friend Stacie and her pooch Charlie visiting Ms. Cavallari at her home.  Kristin is so, so sad.  She needs a boyfriend, you see, not just a friend with benefits.  Stacie agrees:

Watch “It’s Always the Girl.”

Hmm, from the looks of it, Stacie has been the Brody a few times in a “relationship.”

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May 30, 2010

The New Bird: The Hills Recap

Filed under: TV — Tags: — Christine Tarbet @ 2:37 pm

Previously on Brody sucks, Brody SUUUUUCKS.

We open on Brody and Kristin at a bar discussing their “relationship.”  Kristin tells Brody she wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings by dating someone else.  Brody relieves her of this burden.  “I’m ENJOYING being single,” he says… AGAIN.  If you are, Brody, then stop acting like Kristin is your girlfriend.  In other news, I can’t believe I’m sticking up for Kristin Cavallari.

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May 23, 2010

This Is Goodbye: The Hills Recap

Filed under: TV — Tags: — Christine Tarbet @ 9:49 pm

Previously on folie à deux… Spencer and Heidi are insane.

Holly meets Stephanie for lunch to discuss the craziness that is Speidi.  Holly tells SP that she misses her sister and just wants her to be happy.  ”Screw that,” says SP. “I don’t want her to be happy, I want her to be normal again.”  Sing it, sister.  Aaaaand credits.

Heidi meets Kristin for lunch.  ”You’re so little now,” Kristin exclaims.  Well, that’s what happens when you suck half of your body out through a tube.  Heidi tells Kristin how Spencer is missing Brody (aw!). Kristin broaches the topic of Spencer’s lunacy to a not-at-all-in-denial Heidi:

Watch “Who Am I?”

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May 13, 2010

Elephant in the Room: The Hills Recap

Filed under: TV — Tags: — Christine Tarbet @ 5:27 pm

MTV monster, thy name is Speidi.  Seriously, these two get more infuriating each week, and I’ve started to think it’s not an act.  They really are this horrible.  And I’m frightened, y’all.  I’m frightened. (more…)

May 6, 2010

Rumor Has It: The Hills Recap

Filed under: TV — Tags: — Christine Tarbet @ 3:38 pm

Previously on The Hills: Heidi gets a new face, and “somehow the drug rumors followed [Kristin]” home from Miami.  Somehow.

Kristin arrives at Audrina’s place.  Audrina gets my gag reflex going by admitting she’s dating Ryan Cabrera.  Ewww!  The girls then quickly devolve into a catty exchange about the Miami partying rumors.  ”Because I didn’t go out with you guys I’m on drugs? That’s a pretty intense thing just to assume.” exclaims an incredulous Kristin.  Audrina pleads innocent, batting her doe eyes.  Kristin then blames Stephanie Pratt.  Because SP thought you were on drugs she’s a gossipmonger?  That’s a pretty intense thing just to assume, Kristin.

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April 29, 2010

Put on a Happy Face: The Hills Recap

Filed under: TV — Tags: , — Christine Tarbet @ 8:01 pm

What can you say about The Hills that hasn’t already been said?  That it’s fake?  That the cast members aren’t “real people” anymore?  That the show is nothing but inane chatter interspersed with overwrought pop songs?  But what with plastic surgery debacles and possible cocaine habits, we think there’s plenty packed into The Hills final(?) season.

The show opens with ugly duckling Lo Bosworth and jailbird Stephanie Pratt discussing Steph’s latest arrest for DUI.

Says SP:  “Seriously, I’m only 23, and I’ve been to jail twice?  Like, that’s not normal.” You know what else isn’t normal, Steph?  Your brother’s moth-eaten beard.  (Zing!)  Luckily, Stephanie isn’t “grounded,” so she can join Lo, Audrina “Weird Eyes” Patridge, Brody “Bromance” Jenner, and Kristin “I Swear I’m Not on Coke” Cavallari in Miami for the Super Bowl.

The girls also discuss rumors of Heidi’s latest “transition,” which brings us to our favorite line in The Hills trailer:  “Butt job?” (more…)

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